he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
