I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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