whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
where am i from again
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
