afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
