Will you blow on my dice?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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