I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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