It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
