____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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