and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Let's get the cat blown out
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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