It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
