We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
