So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
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Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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