Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
