why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
