Can Purell be used as lube?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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