I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
