i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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