Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(785): View more from Kansas

Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.

Fav 26 3958 986
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(857): View more from Massachusetts

Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.

Fav 39 1769 4701
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(985): View more from Louisiana

It's like a mixture of two words

(985): View more from Louisiana

"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"

Fav 8 3412 1256
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night

Fav 7 1129 2250
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(203): View more from Connecticut

so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that

Fav 0 956 656
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(757): View more from Virginia

the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though

Fav 0 579 475
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(803): View more from South Carolina

I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.

Fav 5 639 423
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(904): View more from Florida

They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?

Fav 2 17 43
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(217): View more from Illinois

Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers

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