What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
