I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
