saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
