you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
