But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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