My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
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I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
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