I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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