You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
