Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
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