I'm jealous of your bromance
well you can't waste a boner
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
