Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
