I didn't shave. On purpose
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
