Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
