those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
