i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
