And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
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Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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