Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
