Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
