sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
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