My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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