he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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