Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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