I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
