I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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