I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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