if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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