This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
