absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
