My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
