i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
