So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
