Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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