hotel room ftw
so explain again why im purple
no
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
