Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
