just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
