Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
