dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
