I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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