please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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