So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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