there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
