I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
