I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Randomize
