Can i not drive my cunt home
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
