Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
