No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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