win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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