Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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