I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
