i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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