At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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