Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
