Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
