I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
