I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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