She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
God, I missed his penis.
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