Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He better not be in your backpack
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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